The evening edition.

One coin. Zero utility. Infinite confidence.

No cartels. No kidnapping. Keep it classy. Two of three expected to hold.

Two-up, dice, and a man offering 3-to-1 on 'anything.'

Guests must present net worth on demand. Net worth presents mixed feelings.

Analysts credit 'the drop.' The drop credits itself.

Destination: unknown wallet. Unknown wallet: known jacket.

Eleventh all-time high this song. Chart now vertical. Analyst 'fine.'

The audit board lights up. Names withheld to protect the solvent.

For 'the guy in the hat.' Hat guy has posted a counter-bounty.

Present your stack to the Federal Reserve Banker. No, they will not 'hold it for a sec.'

The wallet was a jacket. The jacket has left. The jacket is 'getting some air.'

Holders 'still early.' Early to what, they did not say.

The Federal Reserve Banker counts. The room learns what 'net' means.

Earlier we reported €UGENE 'cannot go to zero.' We meant 'should not.'

This broadcast is a parody of an economy and is not an advertisement for one.

Caught behind the sound station. They were 'just holding it for a mate.'

'I have looked at the numbers. There are numbers.' Methodology: having a look.

'This time is different.' Same wall. Same coin. New number.

The team is completely new. The jacket is the same jacket.

The Federal Reserve Banker prints again. Economists described as 'tired.'

Every coin allocated. Allocations 'a vibe.' Buyers 'a rumour.'

Q1: up. Q2: up. Q3: see Q1. Q4: the bank closes.

The NewTube hype bro joins the presale. Lamborghini described as 'spiritual.'

Rent due Tuesday. Coin due 'any minute.' Landlord 'unaware, for now.'

Spinner declares victory. Both sides declare victory. The coin declines to comment.

6,969 viewers. Chat only says BUY. Chat has said nothing else since 9 PM.

'Not clickbait,' says a title written in capitals. Video paid for in €UGENE.

Rocket emojis at record levels. The moon, reached for comment, remains a rock.

Fourteen seconds long. Says 'buy' nine times. Comments say 'buy' 40,000 times.

Black and white. Sad piano. 'I was as surprised as you were.' He was not.

Technical issue identified: the price. Chat continues to say BUY to an empty room.

Guests demand a refund. Of what, from whom, in which currency: unclear to anyone.